would-be francophone, mushroom cultivator, prickly pear importer, football commentator, potty trainer, sherker, julio iglesias' lyricist, necrologist, oceanographer, solid-state physicist, grave robber, leg cruncher, pop icon, 82 kgs, sculptor, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, soap-box maker, rumour spreader, hair stylist, tattle-teller, wheel changer, seasonal motocrotte driver, intestinal pipe cleaner, basket weaver, paper pusher, post-raphaelite, toe-nail clipper, snake charmer, poet, traffic warden, hippopotamus wrestler, bomb shelter, fire hazard, religious leader, cannon fodder, rectangulist, post-natal, old masters restorer, zebra de-striper, cricketer, armpit sound artist, margaret thatcher's joke writer, consumer, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, remote controller, prodigal son, gurkha, programmer, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, philosopher, crowd pleaser, jet-setter, moisturiser, bounty hunter, six-footer, elvis lookalike, palm reader, anthropophage, natural gas producer, antarctic explorer, bikini waxer, elephant-house cleaner, highwayman, goatherd, ex-smoker, tramp, healer, big cheese, leach sucker, (null), bad speller, warmonger, ghostwriter, a-and-f-singer, caucasian, settee upholsterer, astrologist, landscape gardener, celebrity embalmer, burger flipper, pooper-scooper, bear baiter, pedicurist, DIY fetishist, contortionist, monomaniac, herbivore, composer, painter, sherpa, pepper grinder, land mine detonator, love potion, camel trader, experimental ornithologist, sexologist, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, de-licer, worrier, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, your worst nightmare, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, teacher, refrigerator defurrer, chest hair decurler, professional mourner, lady di impersonator, private dick, psychoanalyst, coffin nailer, root canal digger, sushi chef, brown haired, amateur gynecologist, failure, englšnder, fruit picker, olympic gold medallist, eccles-cake eater, 13 stone, performance artist, head shrinker, soap opera starlet, good egg, political consultant, stamp licker, corpse manicurist, ex-oboist, former united states president, draft enforcer, mad hatter, unemployed jockey, roadrunner, brother, happy camper, honourary pygmy, mercury sniffer, absolutist, male, bra underwirer, rollmop herring roller, pumpkin masher, film critic, jammy sod, hatchet man, imposter, northerner, cowboy, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, astronaut, blue-eyed, home-made man, taxidermist, anteater, 1m88, egg pickler, best girlfriend, beard trimmer, debutante, march hare, 180 lbs, mammal, make-up remover, goodie-goodie, will-never-be ex-drinker, sister, autogamist, jockstrap test pilot, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards