former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, caucasian, will-never-be ex-drinker, celebrity embalmer, honourary pygmy, rumour spreader, would-be francophone, remote controller, mammal, jockstrap test pilot, traffic warden, goatherd, film critic, ghostwriter, professional mourner, blue-eyed, gurkha, hippopotamus wrestler, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, grave robber, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, programmer, big cheese, sherker, fire hazard, political consultant, lady di impersonator, post-natal, stamp licker, consumer, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, eccles-cake eater, chest hair decurler, ex-oboist, best girlfriend, cowboy, autogamist, painter, toe-nail clipper, male, teacher, astrologist, zebra de-striper, tattle-teller, sister, seasonal motocrotte driver, unemployed jockey, englšnder, potty trainer, performance artist, mushroom cultivator, former united states president, natural gas producer, moisturiser, highwayman, make-up remover, bad speller, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, jet-setter, crowd pleaser, worrier, bra underwirer, tramp, cricketer, corpse manicurist, six-footer, bomb shelter, soap-box maker, post-raphaelite, margaret thatcher's joke writer, love potion, debutante, mercury sniffer, jammy sod, pop icon, failure, refrigerator defurrer, imposter, palm reader, paper pusher, hatchet man, camel trader, antarctic explorer, snake charmer, home-made man, leg cruncher, burger flipper, northerner, wheel changer, anteater, prickly pear importer, mad hatter, healer, composer, poet, contortionist, warmonger, oceanographer, sculptor, experimental ornithologist, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, 1m88, pepper grinder, pumpkin masher, intestinal pipe cleaner, happy camper, basket weaver, solid-state physicist, elvis lookalike, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, football commentator, leach sucker, absolutist, good egg, necrologist, bounty hunter, (null), ex-smoker, goodie-goodie, fruit picker, landscape gardener, egg pickler, a-and-f-singer, pedicurist, astronaut, monomaniac, anthropophage, psychoanalyst, old masters restorer, de-licer, sherpa, elephant-house cleaner, root canal digger, religious leader, hair stylist, settee upholsterer, pooper-scooper, soap opera starlet, bikini waxer, private dick, head shrinker, sexologist, taxidermist, philosopher, brown haired, olympic gold medallist, draft enforcer, 180 lbs, roadrunner, 13 stone, land mine detonator, 82 kgs, brother, DIY fetishist, rollmop herring roller, julio iglesias' lyricist, coffin nailer, herbivore, rectangulist, beard trimmer, your worst nightmare, march hare, cannon fodder, prodigal son, sushi chef, amateur gynecologist, bear baiter, armpit sound artist, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards