your worst nightmare, anthropophage, pedicurist, autogamist, ex-oboist, old masters restorer, psychoanalyst, football commentator, leg cruncher, rollmop herring roller, debutante, basket weaver, programmer, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, monomaniac, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, warmonger, elvis lookalike, burger flipper, former united states president, failure, brown haired, 1m88, olympic gold medallist, pepper grinder, six-footer, gurkha, bra underwirer, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, paper pusher, sherker, fruit picker, root canal digger, will-never-be ex-drinker, egg pickler, film critic, sister, soap-box maker, jockstrap test pilot, draft enforcer, pop icon, lady di impersonator, mad hatter, natural gas producer, tattle-teller, potty trainer, prickly pear importer, honourary pygmy, traffic warden, mushroom cultivator, eccles-cake eater, intestinal pipe cleaner, male, palm reader, settee upholsterer, composer, post-natal, bikini waxer, unemployed jockey, political consultant, religious leader, tramp, sculptor, fire hazard, sushi chef, crowd pleaser, private dick, refrigerator defurrer, jammy sod, post-raphaelite, prodigal son, land mine detonator, consumer, blue-eyed, cricketer, jet-setter, pumpkin masher, worrier, march hare, teacher, julio iglesias' lyricist, ex-smoker, coffin nailer, poet, professional mourner, sherpa, (null), astrologist, zebra de-striper, celebrity embalmer, herbivore, imposter, bad speller, a-and-f-singer, amateur gynecologist, landscape gardener, hair stylist, mercury sniffer, oceanographer, contortionist, home-made man, best girlfriend, painter, performance artist, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, good egg, anteater, absolutist, big cheese, 82 kgs, necrologist, northerner, goodie-goodie, head shrinker, hippopotamus wrestler, DIY fetishist, elephant-house cleaner, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, healer, pooper-scooper, remote controller, roadrunner, grave robber, highwayman, brother, make-up remover, seasonal motocrotte driver, sexologist, moisturiser, astronaut, stamp licker, wheel changer, chest hair decurler, would-be francophone, toe-nail clipper, de-licer, 180 lbs, philosopher, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, love potion, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, hatchet man, snake charmer, cowboy, leach sucker, bounty hunter, rectangulist, taxidermist, rumour spreader, antarctic explorer, beard trimmer, camel trader, ghostwriter, cannon fodder, soap opera starlet, 13 stone, margaret thatcher's joke writer, bear baiter, caucasian, armpit sound artist, goatherd, englšnder, mammal, corpse manicurist, solid-state physicist, experimental ornithologist, bomb shelter, happy camper, ... (suggestions?)


(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)
 

upwards and onwards