former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, root canal digger, ex-oboist, toe-nail clipper, palm reader, post-natal, warmonger, refrigerator defurrer, cannon fodder, worrier, corpse manicurist, chest hair decurler, make-up remover, soap-box maker, sister, rectangulist, elephant-house cleaner, political consultant, settee upholsterer, male, painter, natural gas producer, anthropophage, mushroom cultivator, amateur gynecologist, prodigal son, soap opera starlet, failure, sherker, rumour spreader, de-licer, love potion, seasonal motocrotte driver, highwayman, astronaut, basket weaver, ex-smoker, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, taxidermist, hippopotamus wrestler, julio iglesias' lyricist, olympic gold medallist, brother, psychoanalyst, post-raphaelite, sexologist, sushi chef, former united states president, autogamist, consumer, would-be francophone, composer, snake charmer, oceanographer, teacher, healer, antarctic explorer, philosopher, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, best girlfriend, private dick, debutante, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, englšnder, absolutist, tramp, honourary pygmy, will-never-be ex-drinker, burger flipper, film critic, prickly pear importer, jammy sod, poet, 82 kgs, happy camper, bad speller, fruit picker, anteater, roadrunner, old masters restorer, imposter, jockstrap test pilot, gurkha, blue-eyed, necrologist, eccles-cake eater, professional mourner, leg cruncher, beard trimmer, goatherd, intestinal pipe cleaner, performance artist, elvis lookalike, sculptor, rollmop herring roller, jet-setter, draft enforcer, experimental ornithologist, solid-state physicist, football commentator, brown haired, hatchet man, landscape gardener, 180 lbs, sherpa, pedicurist, six-footer, 13 stone, home-made man, tattle-teller, margaret thatcher's joke writer, bomb shelter, goodie-goodie, mad hatter, march hare, northerner, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, hair stylist, caucasian, DIY fetishist, pepper grinder, programmer, pumpkin masher, bear baiter, contortionist, (null), cowboy, stamp licker, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, a-and-f-singer, land mine detonator, ghostwriter, remote controller, wheel changer, religious leader, monomaniac, pooper-scooper, paper pusher, mammal, cricketer, lady di impersonator, head shrinker, armpit sound artist, pop icon, big cheese, good egg, zebra de-striper, potty trainer, crowd pleaser, traffic warden, camel trader, fire hazard, moisturiser, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, astrologist, egg pickler, bikini waxer, leach sucker, bounty hunter, grave robber, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, coffin nailer, herbivore, your worst nightmare, celebrity embalmer, unemployed jockey, mercury sniffer, bra underwirer, 1m88, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards