land mine detonator, sherpa, contortionist, rumour spreader, paper pusher, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, monomaniac, sexologist, beard trimmer, 180 lbs, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, solid-state physicist, psychoanalyst, elephant-house cleaner, burger flipper, sushi chef, post-natal, sculptor, rectangulist, DIY fetishist, camel trader, would-be francophone, philosopher, failure, hatchet man, pooper-scooper, highwayman, your worst nightmare, landscape gardener, bra underwirer, mercury sniffer, bomb shelter, margaret thatcher's joke writer, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, bikini waxer, astronaut, roadrunner, taxidermist, march hare, home-made man, sister, soap opera starlet, best girlfriend, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, six-footer, pumpkin masher, ghostwriter, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, cannon fodder, experimental ornithologist, elvis lookalike, film critic, celebrity embalmer, warmonger, poet, old masters restorer, oceanographer, root canal digger, olympic gold medallist, leach sucker, mammal, make-up remover, programmer, former united states president, autogamist, anteater, amateur gynecologist, draft enforcer, unemployed jockey, fruit picker, absolutist, professional mourner, bear baiter, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, goatherd, mad hatter, jet-setter, healer, basket weaver, brother, de-licer, mushroom cultivator, bad speller, ex-smoker, necrologist, leg cruncher, consumer, natural gas producer, imposter, painter, gurkha, tattle-teller, stamp licker, eccles-cake eater, anthropophage, wheel changer, post-raphaelite, snake charmer, goodie-goodie, northerner, traffic warden, astrologist, religious leader, male, pop icon, prickly pear importer, political consultant, pedicurist, worrier, jammy sod, performance artist, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, cricketer, 1m88, potty trainer, armpit sound artist, honourary pygmy, private dick, crowd pleaser, corpse manicurist, rollmop herring roller, blue-eyed, happy camper, good egg, ex-oboist, lady di impersonator, seasonal motocrotte driver, settee upholsterer, cowboy, tramp, composer, intestinal pipe cleaner, love potion, head shrinker, teacher, prodigal son, hippopotamus wrestler, hair stylist, will-never-be ex-drinker, soap-box maker, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, bounty hunter, jockstrap test pilot, moisturiser, sherker, remote controller, brown haired, chest hair decurler, zebra de-striper, debutante, fire hazard, big cheese, egg pickler, (null), grave robber, football commentator, 13 stone, 82 kgs, toe-nail clipper, a-and-f-singer, palm reader, julio iglesias' lyricist, antarctic explorer, pepper grinder, refrigerator defurrer, coffin nailer, caucasian, englšnder, herbivore, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards