cowboy, programmer, zebra de-striper, 13 stone, goodie-goodie, male, fire hazard, jockstrap test pilot, paper pusher, march hare, highwayman, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, soap-box maker, wheel changer, sexologist, love potion, fruit picker, mammal, six-footer, sherpa, sherker, draft enforcer, imposter, painter, bomb shelter, antarctic explorer, armpit sound artist, julio iglesias' lyricist, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, tramp, root canal digger, failure, astrologist, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, jet-setter, refrigerator defurrer, hair stylist, anthropophage, toe-nail clipper, absolutist, margaret thatcher's joke writer, landscape gardener, make-up remover, worrier, bikini waxer, cricketer, pedicurist, post-natal, celebrity embalmer, monomaniac, consumer, burger flipper, roadrunner, olympic gold medallist, bra underwirer, (null), rumour spreader, teacher, best girlfriend, beard trimmer, prodigal son, sushi chef, unemployed jockey, leg cruncher, brown haired, pepper grinder, bear baiter, mercury sniffer, coffin nailer, gurkha, astronaut, political consultant, brother, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, mad hatter, goatherd, jammy sod, camel trader, performance artist, herbivore, ex-oboist, cannon fodder, corpse manicurist, 180 lbs, northerner, amateur gynecologist, de-licer, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, snake charmer, sister, rectangulist, a-and-f-singer, land mine detonator, crowd pleaser, poet, composer, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, professional mourner, home-made man, sculptor, hatchet man, healer, natural gas producer, ghostwriter, oceanographer, hippopotamus wrestler, happy camper, football commentator, post-raphaelite, DIY fetishist, mushroom cultivator, 1m88, warmonger, lady di impersonator, rollmop herring roller, leach sucker, bounty hunter, film critic, moisturiser, 82 kgs, eccles-cake eater, debutante, philosopher, religious leader, pop icon, soap opera starlet, pooper-scooper, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, private dick, blue-eyed, your worst nightmare, grave robber, prickly pear importer, tattle-teller, caucasian, taxidermist, settee upholsterer, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, good egg, seasonal motocrotte driver, will-never-be ex-drinker, basket weaver, psychoanalyst, honourary pygmy, englšnder, former united states president, old masters restorer, autogamist, bad speller, elvis lookalike, chest hair decurler, solid-state physicist, contortionist, big cheese, elephant-house cleaner, remote controller, head shrinker, potty trainer, ex-smoker, traffic warden, necrologist, anteater, egg pickler, palm reader, intestinal pipe cleaner, stamp licker, would-be francophone, experimental ornithologist, pumpkin masher, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards