post-raphaelite, experimental ornithologist, solid-state physicist, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, goodie-goodie, cannon fodder, soap-box maker, failure, intestinal pipe cleaner, warmonger, contortionist, religious leader, poet, refrigerator defurrer, bomb shelter, chest hair decurler, burger flipper, rollmop herring roller, 13 stone, zebra de-striper, ex-smoker, brother, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, painter, six-footer, camel trader, bear baiter, consumer, tattle-teller, wheel changer, northerner, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, seasonal motocrotte driver, anteater, roadrunner, snake charmer, englšnder, pooper-scooper, home-made man, post-natal, fruit picker, leach sucker, olympic gold medallist, political consultant, sculptor, basket weaver, sushi chef, remote controller, highwayman, private dick, big cheese, egg pickler, best girlfriend, jammy sod, land mine detonator, composer, pedicurist, oceanographer, sister, hatchet man, debutante, natural gas producer, sexologist, imposter, pumpkin masher, DIY fetishist, de-licer, professional mourner, herbivore, cowboy, tramp, traffic warden, armpit sound artist, brown haired, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, elvis lookalike, 1m88, amateur gynecologist, fire hazard, mammal, prickly pear importer, margaret thatcher's joke writer, a-and-f-singer, jet-setter, moisturiser, palm reader, paper pusher, pop icon, root canal digger, absolutist, make-up remover, necrologist, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, cricketer, autogamist, mushroom cultivator, head shrinker, mercury sniffer, performance artist, goatherd, gurkha, teacher, soap opera starlet, bikini waxer, male, philosopher, taxidermist, bounty hunter, bad speller, ex-oboist, jockstrap test pilot, unemployed jockey, sherpa, good egg, antarctic explorer, former united states president, astronaut, draft enforcer, football commentator, julio iglesias' lyricist, healer, grave robber, leg cruncher, elephant-house cleaner, mad hatter, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, potty trainer, toe-nail clipper, prodigal son, astrologist, 180 lbs, pepper grinder, celebrity embalmer, worrier, settee upholsterer, coffin nailer, love potion, eccles-cake eater, ghostwriter, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, rectangulist, beard trimmer, bra underwirer, your worst nightmare, march hare, corpse manicurist, landscape gardener, rumour spreader, programmer, happy camper, old masters restorer, lady di impersonator, hippopotamus wrestler, film critic, will-never-be ex-drinker, honourary pygmy, stamp licker, sherker, blue-eyed, 82 kgs, caucasian, would-be francophone, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, monomaniac, hair stylist, anthropophage, crowd pleaser, (null), psychoanalyst, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards