coffin nailer, sherpa, ghostwriter, goatherd, lady di impersonator, potty trainer, astrologist, anteater, land mine detonator, pumpkin masher, hair stylist, margaret thatcher's joke writer, goodie-goodie, anthropophage, fire hazard, celebrity embalmer, natural gas producer, love potion, crowd pleaser, northerner, home-made man, experimental ornithologist, ex-smoker, snake charmer, best girlfriend, camel trader, jammy sod, post-raphaelite, head shrinker, make-up remover, soap-box maker, professional mourner, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, pedicurist, autogamist, rumour spreader, performance artist, ex-oboist, necrologist, jet-setter, astronaut, football commentator, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, private dick, blue-eyed, burger flipper, de-licer, former united states president, amateur gynecologist, unemployed jockey, solid-state physicist, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, palm reader, tattle-teller, landscape gardener, debutante, intestinal pipe cleaner, bikini waxer, brown haired, prickly pear importer, (null), bra underwirer, sister, mercury sniffer, happy camper, film critic, teacher, julio iglesias' lyricist, refrigerator defurrer, gurkha, root canal digger, philosopher, herbivore, rectangulist, six-footer, programmer, cricketer, beard trimmer, roadrunner, bounty hunter, will-never-be ex-drinker, good egg, leach sucker, big cheese, bomb shelter, caucasian, paper pusher, failure, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, settee upholsterer, seasonal motocrotte driver, basket weaver, post-natal, prodigal son, bear baiter, consumer, march hare, tramp, moisturiser, stamp licker, imposter, your worst nightmare, cannon fodder, 1m88, old masters restorer, zebra de-striper, honourary pygmy, chest hair decurler, pop icon, would-be francophone, corpse manicurist, sushi chef, 180 lbs, remote controller, sculptor, armpit sound artist, oceanographer, hippopotamus wrestler, soap opera starlet, absolutist, jockstrap test pilot, draft enforcer, male, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, englšnder, leg cruncher, sherker, pooper-scooper, 13 stone, sexologist, a-and-f-singer, eccles-cake eater, 82 kgs, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, DIY fetishist, taxidermist, contortionist, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, healer, mushroom cultivator, mammal, warmonger, traffic warden, grave robber, fruit picker, political consultant, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, wheel changer, egg pickler, toe-nail clipper, antarctic explorer, brother, composer, poet, rollmop herring roller, mad hatter, monomaniac, painter, pepper grinder, psychoanalyst, hatchet man, highwayman, worrier, bad speller, elvis lookalike, elephant-house cleaner, religious leader, olympic gold medallist, cowboy, ... (suggestions?)


(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)
 

upwards and onwards