rectangulist, monomaniac, caucasian, (null), rumour spreader, private dick, land mine detonator, landscape gardener, elvis lookalike, unemployed jockey, elephant-house cleaner, rollmop herring roller, beard trimmer, wheel changer, northerner, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, draft enforcer, teacher, ex-smoker, hair stylist, 82 kgs, ghostwriter, paper pusher, fruit picker, brown haired, burger flipper, experimental ornithologist, roadrunner, love potion, tattle-teller, religious leader, pepper grinder, crowd pleaser, stamp licker, grave robber, refrigerator defurrer, corpse manicurist, 180 lbs, jet-setter, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, imposter, film critic, highwayman, hippopotamus wrestler, englšnder, contortionist, jammy sod, cricketer, mammal, mushroom cultivator, six-footer, coffin nailer, your worst nightmare, home-made man, brother, post-natal, painter, jockstrap test pilot, fire hazard, programmer, healer, best girlfriend, intestinal pipe cleaner, old masters restorer, bad speller, 13 stone, remote controller, soap-box maker, palm reader, basket weaver, happy camper, pop icon, pumpkin masher, sherker, zebra de-striper, professional mourner, blue-eyed, sister, julio iglesias' lyricist, worrier, autogamist, leg cruncher, make-up remover, toe-nail clipper, sculptor, good egg, herbivore, warmonger, lady di impersonator, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, solid-state physicist, absolutist, will-never-be ex-drinker, pooper-scooper, sushi chef, a-and-f-singer, necrologist, prodigal son, sherpa, post-raphaelite, margaret thatcher's joke writer, gurkha, 1m88, big cheese, eccles-cake eater, would-be francophone, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, DIY fetishist, debutante, anthropophage, bomb shelter, celebrity embalmer, head shrinker, march hare, consumer, oceanographer, leach sucker, moisturiser, cannon fodder, sexologist, political consultant, root canal digger, goodie-goodie, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, failure, hatchet man, philosopher, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, performance artist, composer, former united states president, cowboy, bear baiter, amateur gynecologist, poet, olympic gold medallist, mad hatter, potty trainer, psychoanalyst, traffic warden, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, astronaut, bikini waxer, bounty hunter, taxidermist, anteater, snake charmer, armpit sound artist, egg pickler, prickly pear importer, pedicurist, antarctic explorer, goatherd, camel trader, ex-oboist, natural gas producer, settee upholsterer, tramp, astrologist, mercury sniffer, bra underwirer, seasonal motocrotte driver, honourary pygmy, chest hair decurler, football commentator, de-licer, male, soap opera starlet, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards