soap opera starlet, palm reader, sculptor, will-never-be ex-drinker, programmer, wheel changer, bear baiter, football commentator, brown haired, contortionist, eccles-cake eater, would-be francophone, julio iglesias' lyricist, bikini waxer, bounty hunter, elephant-house cleaner, elvis lookalike, poet, religious leader, basket weaver, herbivore, mushroom cultivator, pepper grinder, armpit sound artist, painter, roadrunner, leach sucker, mammal, settee upholsterer, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, 13 stone, draft enforcer, home-made man, best girlfriend, leg cruncher, seasonal motocrotte driver, remote controller, prickly pear importer, cowboy, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, imposter, sherker, astrologist, prodigal son, traffic warden, oceanographer, debutante, egg pickler, political consultant, englšnder, fire hazard, brother, caucasian, unemployed jockey, philosopher, gurkha, six-footer, tattle-teller, landscape gardener, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, failure, zebra de-striper, your worst nightmare, warmonger, cannon fodder, goatherd, DIY fetishist, pop icon, a-and-f-singer, tramp, pedicurist, ex-smoker, professional mourner, goodie-goodie, make-up remover, solid-state physicist, de-licer, grave robber, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, margaret thatcher's joke writer, composer, rollmop herring roller, male, absolutist, necrologist, astronaut, rumour spreader, camel trader, former united states president, sherpa, old masters restorer, toe-nail clipper, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, highwayman, teacher, march hare, 1m88, antarctic explorer, consumer, celebrity embalmer, jammy sod, big cheese, stamp licker, land mine detonator, post-natal, amateur gynecologist, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, 82 kgs, experimental ornithologist, (null), sexologist, bomb shelter, mad hatter, pumpkin masher, snake charmer, good egg, monomaniac, corpse manicurist, intestinal pipe cleaner, potty trainer, fruit picker, pooper-scooper, performance artist, jet-setter, hatchet man, ex-oboist, root canal digger, paper pusher, cricketer, bad speller, worrier, bra underwirer, taxidermist, anthropophage, happy camper, refrigerator defurrer, burger flipper, healer, psychoanalyst, moisturiser, lady di impersonator, head shrinker, crowd pleaser, post-raphaelite, film critic, coffin nailer, hair stylist, soap-box maker, anteater, rectangulist, private dick, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, beard trimmer, natural gas producer, blue-eyed, mercury sniffer, sister, autogamist, ghostwriter, 180 lbs, jockstrap test pilot, northerner, sushi chef, olympic gold medallist, hippopotamus wrestler, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, honourary pygmy, love potion, chest hair decurler, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards