chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, autogamist, absolutist, prickly pear importer, monomaniac, highwayman, intestinal pipe cleaner, will-never-be ex-drinker, debutante, wheel changer, sherpa, rectangulist, teacher, landscape gardener, tattle-teller, film critic, 13 stone, coffin nailer, pedicurist, jammy sod, post-raphaelite, hair stylist, programmer, gurkha, composer, good egg, herbivore, 82 kgs, bear baiter, unemployed jockey, make-up remover, cowboy, burger flipper, armpit sound artist, solid-state physicist, pop icon, home-made man, elvis lookalike, amateur gynecologist, brother, crowd pleaser, DIY fetishist, northerner, soap-box maker, necrologist, rumour spreader, stamp licker, march hare, goodie-goodie, painter, big cheese, basket weaver, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, bikini waxer, football commentator, sister, sexologist, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, chest hair decurler, 1m88, astrologist, palm reader, experimental ornithologist, anthropophage, bomb shelter, natural gas producer, mercury sniffer, land mine detonator, hippopotamus wrestler, a-and-f-singer, prodigal son, goatherd, taxidermist, private dick, worrier, poet, bra underwirer, remote controller, cannon fodder, beard trimmer, potty trainer, soap opera starlet, bounty hunter, head shrinker, consumer, jockstrap test pilot, psychoanalyst, post-natal, love potion, philosopher, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, sushi chef, sherker, ghostwriter, camel trader, six-footer, happy camper, mushroom cultivator, leg cruncher, snake charmer, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, honourary pygmy, (null), purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, contortionist, moisturiser, leach sucker, astronaut, antarctic explorer, 180 lbs, male, settee upholsterer, grave robber, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, sculptor, imposter, pumpkin masher, de-licer, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, caucasian, anteater, political consultant, elephant-house cleaner, traffic warden, rollmop herring roller, celebrity embalmer, bad speller, religious leader, seasonal motocrotte driver, pooper-scooper, professional mourner, tramp, blue-eyed, refrigerator defurrer, old masters restorer, toe-nail clipper, brown haired, zebra de-striper, englšnder, root canal digger, mammal, fire hazard, margaret thatcher's joke writer, failure, olympic gold medallist, former united states president, ex-smoker, draft enforcer, warmonger, performance artist, eccles-cake eater, mad hatter, egg pickler, would-be francophone, roadrunner, ex-oboist, hatchet man, best girlfriend, oceanographer, fruit picker, julio iglesias' lyricist, pepper grinder, your worst nightmare, jet-setter, paper pusher, cricketer, healer, corpse manicurist, lady di impersonator, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards