armpit sound artist, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, post-natal, pooper-scooper, ex-oboist, political consultant, post-raphaelite, chest hair decurler, sushi chef, traffic warden, bra underwirer, bounty hunter, teacher, englšnder, poet, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, bear baiter, julio iglesias' lyricist, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, olympic gold medallist, bomb shelter, best girlfriend, private dick, goodie-goodie, gurkha, coffin nailer, necrologist, performance artist, composer, astronaut, antarctic explorer, rumour spreader, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, beard trimmer, unemployed jockey, six-footer, imposter, seasonal motocrotte driver, pepper grinder, sculptor, jet-setter, good egg, film critic, jammy sod, hippopotamus wrestler, tattle-teller, wheel changer, monomaniac, fire hazard, pumpkin masher, ex-smoker, mushroom cultivator, elvis lookalike, taxidermist, paper pusher, cricketer, philosopher, home-made man, DIY fetishist, soap opera starlet, healer, male, head shrinker, leg cruncher, anthropophage, blue-eyed, oceanographer, big cheese, moisturiser, sexologist, corpse manicurist, bad speller, psychoanalyst, absolutist, happy camper, debutante, football commentator, 180 lbs, brown haired, lady di impersonator, goatherd, sherpa, hair stylist, pop icon, elephant-house cleaner, 13 stone, worrier, solid-state physicist, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, 82 kgs, intestinal pipe cleaner, religious leader, pedicurist, camel trader, failure, palm reader, remote controller, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, mercury sniffer, land mine detonator, painter, march hare, herbivore, zebra de-striper, root canal digger, bikini waxer, mammal, eccles-cake eater, crowd pleaser, refrigerator defurrer, honourary pygmy, rectangulist, former united states president, snake charmer, will-never-be ex-drinker, leach sucker, highwayman, anteater, jockstrap test pilot, ghostwriter, soap-box maker, grave robber, cannon fodder, brother, would-be francophone, northerner, prickly pear importer, basket weaver, burger flipper, draft enforcer, rollmop herring roller, 1m88, professional mourner, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, caucasian, de-licer, consumer, your worst nightmare, amateur gynecologist, old masters restorer, contortionist, autogamist, mad hatter, sister, margaret thatcher's joke writer, sherker, potty trainer, natural gas producer, hatchet man, programmer, love potion, roadrunner, toe-nail clipper, egg pickler, landscape gardener, cowboy, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, experimental ornithologist, (null), settee upholsterer, a-and-f-singer, tramp, fruit picker, prodigal son, warmonger, astrologist, celebrity embalmer, make-up remover, stamp licker, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards