beard trimmer, absolutist, celebrity embalmer, settee upholsterer, would-be francophone, gurkha, brown haired, political consultant, julio iglesias' lyricist, eccles-cake eater, mercury sniffer, ghostwriter, 13 stone, antarctic explorer, grave robber, sister, goodie-goodie, fruit picker, jet-setter, old masters restorer, six-footer, snake charmer, seasonal motocrotte driver, soap opera starlet, 180 lbs, pooper-scooper, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, astrologist, jockstrap test pilot, refrigerator defurrer, sherker, pepper grinder, private dick, prickly pear importer, healer, happy camper, bikini waxer, tramp, 82 kgs, hippopotamus wrestler, leach sucker, moisturiser, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, consumer, northerner, egg pickler, lady di impersonator, your worst nightmare, head shrinker, caucasian, failure, wheel changer, remote controller, necrologist, armpit sound artist, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, jammy sod, contortionist, DIY fetishist, experimental ornithologist, bad speller, astronaut, zebra de-striper, former united states president, bomb shelter, (null), teacher, monomaniac, camel trader, englšnder, chest hair decurler, stamp licker, basket weaver, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, mammal, performance artist, sherpa, pop icon, film critic, a-and-f-singer, imposter, poet, pumpkin masher, toe-nail clipper, oceanographer, fire hazard, elvis lookalike, 1m88, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, herbivore, worrier, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, male, goatherd, root canal digger, cannon fodder, margaret thatcher's joke writer, olympic gold medallist, landscape gardener, will-never-be ex-drinker, paper pusher, post-raphaelite, de-licer, cricketer, philosopher, best girlfriend, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, natural gas producer, corpse manicurist, highwayman, rumour spreader, programmer, draft enforcer, bounty hunter, palm reader, hair stylist, professional mourner, march hare, ex-oboist, rectangulist, tattle-teller, good egg, intestinal pipe cleaner, sushi chef, taxidermist, burger flipper, crowd pleaser, warmonger, blue-eyed, anteater, debutante, prodigal son, land mine detonator, pedicurist, big cheese, autogamist, unemployed jockey, bra underwirer, bear baiter, coffin nailer, honourary pygmy, soap-box maker, amateur gynecologist, make-up remover, mad hatter, solid-state physicist, sculptor, football commentator, sexologist, painter, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, love potion, mushroom cultivator, home-made man, composer, potty trainer, anthropophage, ex-smoker, psychoanalyst, post-natal, leg cruncher, elephant-house cleaner, religious leader, roadrunner, brother, rollmop herring roller, hatchet man, cowboy, traffic warden, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards