ghostwriter, unemployed jockey, failure, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, egg pickler, your worst nightmare, wheel changer, elephant-house cleaner, tramp, solid-state physicist, refrigerator defurrer, palm reader, sherpa, eccles-cake eater, love potion, poet, will-never-be ex-drinker, natural gas producer, cowboy, stamp licker, teacher, warmonger, landscape gardener, jockstrap test pilot, contortionist, toe-nail clipper, bomb shelter, northerner, religious leader, mushroom cultivator, programmer, professional mourner, mercury sniffer, draft enforcer, march hare, paper pusher, bra underwirer, fire hazard, soap-box maker, leg cruncher, autogamist, anteater, beard trimmer, political consultant, anthropophage, land mine detonator, goodie-goodie, sister, cricketer, post-raphaelite, mammal, corpse manicurist, gurkha, olympic gold medallist, fruit picker, bear baiter, armpit sound artist, hippopotamus wrestler, monomaniac, celebrity embalmer, 1m88, psychoanalyst, post-natal, sexologist, brother, snake charmer, sherker, absolutist, male, film critic, oceanographer, seasonal motocrotte driver, former united states president, roadrunner, cannon fodder, rollmop herring roller, pop icon, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, highwayman, coffin nailer, best girlfriend, jammy sod, big cheese, bad speller, (null), painter, performance artist, sushi chef, chest hair decurler, burger flipper, a-and-f-singer, hatchet man, prodigal son, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, grave robber, make-up remover, amateur gynecologist, astronaut, margaret thatcher's joke writer, elvis lookalike, mad hatter, moisturiser, blue-eyed, pedicurist, rumour spreader, pooper-scooper, ex-oboist, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, DIY fetishist, debutante, julio iglesias' lyricist, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, goatherd, astrologist, football commentator, camel trader, home-made man, head shrinker, jet-setter, potty trainer, honourary pygmy, would-be francophone, worrier, root canal digger, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, brown haired, healer, ex-smoker, consumer, bounty hunter, traffic warden, private dick, prickly pear importer, happy camper, herbivore, crowd pleaser, basket weaver, lady di impersonator, hair stylist, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, settee upholsterer, imposter, tattle-teller, good egg, englšnder, sculptor, taxidermist, bikini waxer, de-licer, remote controller, philosopher, leach sucker, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, experimental ornithologist, antarctic explorer, soap opera starlet, 180 lbs, zebra de-striper, old masters restorer, intestinal pipe cleaner, rectangulist, composer, 13 stone, pepper grinder, 82 kgs, pumpkin masher, caucasian, necrologist, six-footer, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards