pooper-scooper, good egg, bomb shelter, pumpkin masher, palm reader, philosopher, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, beard trimmer, oceanographer, tattle-teller, highwayman, anteater, bounty hunter, home-made man, solid-state physicist, brother, snake charmer, prickly pear importer, grave robber, crowd pleaser, soap opera starlet, egg pickler, traffic warden, bra underwirer, painter, jet-setter, ghostwriter, head shrinker, mushroom cultivator, prodigal son, draft enforcer, religious leader, margaret thatcher's joke writer, autogamist, sherpa, gurkha, 1m88, zebra de-striper, failure, refrigerator defurrer, composer, astronaut, male, taxidermist, paper pusher, coffin nailer, armpit sound artist, best girlfriend, lady di impersonator, would-be francophone, potty trainer, settee upholsterer, post-raphaelite, your worst nightmare, leg cruncher, remote controller, rollmop herring roller, rumour spreader, cowboy, hatchet man, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, herbivore, pedicurist, cannon fodder, DIY fetishist, olympic gold medallist, mad hatter, hair stylist, leach sucker, toe-nail clipper, bikini waxer, julio iglesias' lyricist, northerner, will-never-be ex-drinker, astrologist, march hare, antarctic explorer, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, brown haired, sexologist, eccles-cake eater, goodie-goodie, blue-eyed, fruit picker, fire hazard, mammal, soap-box maker, sushi chef, ex-smoker, root canal digger, seasonal motocrotte driver, former united states president, performance artist, film critic, mercury sniffer, wheel changer, poet, six-footer, 13 stone, pepper grinder, programmer, basket weaver, celebrity embalmer, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, political consultant, elvis lookalike, teacher, elephant-house cleaner, private dick, 180 lbs, imposter, jammy sod, ex-oboist, cricketer, debutante, contortionist, unemployed jockey, tramp, roadrunner, englšnder, 82 kgs, warmonger, healer, big cheese, hippopotamus wrestler, rectangulist, consumer, honourary pygmy, moisturiser, chest hair decurler, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, burger flipper, amateur gynecologist, make-up remover, land mine detonator, professional mourner, absolutist, landscape gardener, sculptor, worrier, football commentator, intestinal pipe cleaner, corpse manicurist, bear baiter, sherker, pop icon, sister, natural gas producer, de-licer, caucasian, goatherd, camel trader, necrologist, old masters restorer, jockstrap test pilot, happy camper, stamp licker, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, love potion, experimental ornithologist, (null), post-natal, a-and-f-singer, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, monomaniac, anthropophage, psychoanalyst, bad speller, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards