leg cruncher, six-footer, camel trader, philosopher, absolutist, happy camper, eccles-cake eater, celebrity embalmer, pop icon, soap-box maker, fire hazard, ex-oboist, big cheese, pooper-scooper, wheel changer, old masters restorer, monomaniac, professional mourner, 1m88, a-and-f-singer, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, experimental ornithologist, mammal, debutante, blue-eyed, mad hatter, failure, landscape gardener, prodigal son, crowd pleaser, land mine detonator, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, de-licer, political consultant, moisturiser, worrier, 13 stone, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, tattle-teller, hatchet man, good egg, zebra de-striper, caucasian, sexologist, imposter, natural gas producer, lady di impersonator, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, (null), bear baiter, cowboy, traffic warden, bikini waxer, basket weaver, goodie-goodie, sherpa, elvis lookalike, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, grave robber, seasonal motocrotte driver, film critic, brown haired, brother, settee upholsterer, performance artist, sushi chef, hair stylist, olympic gold medallist, your worst nightmare, stamp licker, pepper grinder, pedicurist, will-never-be ex-drinker, programmer, amateur gynecologist, elephant-house cleaner, tramp, egg pickler, DIY fetishist, burger flipper, necrologist, astrologist, warmonger, jockstrap test pilot, snake charmer, unemployed jockey, jammy sod, prickly pear importer, mercury sniffer, root canal digger, private dick, rectangulist, pumpkin masher, anteater, consumer, leach sucker, contortionist, would-be francophone, march hare, head shrinker, bra underwirer, gurkha, ghostwriter, beard trimmer, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, paper pusher, armpit sound artist, best girlfriend, remote controller, bomb shelter, oceanographer, cricketer, taxidermist, northerner, fruit picker, make-up remover, teacher, sculptor, rollmop herring roller, home-made man, jet-setter, toe-nail clipper, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, hippopotamus wrestler, honourary pygmy, healer, corpse manicurist, bounty hunter, chest hair decurler, astronaut, intestinal pipe cleaner, painter, sister, autogamist, rumour spreader, solid-state physicist, football commentator, love potion, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, 82 kgs, 180 lbs, sherker, soap opera starlet, mushroom cultivator, palm reader, julio iglesias' lyricist, male, antarctic explorer, composer, poet, anthropophage, englšnder, highwayman, psychoanalyst, refrigerator defurrer, post-raphaelite, goatherd, post-natal, bad speller, religious leader, ex-smoker, coffin nailer, former united states president, draft enforcer, potty trainer, roadrunner, herbivore, cannon fodder, margaret thatcher's joke writer, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards