philosopher, taxidermist, land mine detonator, fruit picker, tattle-teller, sherker, (null), seasonal motocrotte driver, rectangulist, jet-setter, former united states president, landscape gardener, leg cruncher, tramp, coffin nailer, herbivore, bear baiter, ex-oboist, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, sculptor, cowboy, beard trimmer, march hare, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, worrier, big cheese, warmonger, draft enforcer, sushi chef, pepper grinder, programmer, post-natal, football commentator, refrigerator defurrer, healer, prickly pear importer, julio iglesias' lyricist, wheel changer, private dick, make-up remover, de-licer, bikini waxer, mad hatter, englšnder, would-be francophone, pop icon, bad speller, imposter, teacher, anthropophage, jammy sod, traffic warden, amateur gynecologist, moisturiser, political consultant, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, rumour spreader, settee upholsterer, consumer, sherpa, corpse manicurist, autogamist, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, camel trader, grave robber, experimental ornithologist, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, soap opera starlet, honourary pygmy, elephant-house cleaner, intestinal pipe cleaner, fire hazard, antarctic explorer, prodigal son, good egg, head shrinker, monomaniac, love potion, pedicurist, psychoanalyst, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, sexologist, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, cannon fodder, ghostwriter, painter, ex-smoker, goodie-goodie, bra underwirer, remote controller, contortionist, snake charmer, elvis lookalike, debutante, hair stylist, your worst nightmare, margaret thatcher's joke writer, happy camper, composer, mushroom cultivator, sister, armpit sound artist, rollmop herring roller, bounty hunter, lady di impersonator, pooper-scooper, goatherd, film critic, post-raphaelite, 180 lbs, soap-box maker, religious leader, pumpkin masher, potty trainer, professional mourner, olympic gold medallist, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, male, a-and-f-singer, bomb shelter, solid-state physicist, blue-eyed, brother, stamp licker, astronaut, zebra de-striper, root canal digger, brown haired, jockstrap test pilot, failure, 13 stone, will-never-be ex-drinker, performance artist, paper pusher, roadrunner, burger flipper, basket weaver, natural gas producer, leach sucker, poet, hatchet man, anteater, highwayman, egg pickler, best girlfriend, astrologist, DIY fetishist, celebrity embalmer, toe-nail clipper, palm reader, unemployed jockey, eccles-cake eater, six-footer, mercury sniffer, northerner, home-made man, 1m88, 82 kgs, caucasian, hippopotamus wrestler, oceanographer, chest hair decurler, mammal, absolutist, necrologist, old masters restorer, gurkha, cricketer, crowd pleaser, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards