necrologist, cannon fodder, blue-eyed, prodigal son, good egg, old masters restorer, 13 stone, 180 lbs, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, 82 kgs, religious leader, 1m88, land mine detonator, imposter, burger flipper, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, hippopotamus wrestler, beard trimmer, make-up remover, philosopher, poet, oceanographer, best girlfriend, soap-box maker, potty trainer, mammal, worrier, chest hair decurler, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, pepper grinder, male, will-never-be ex-drinker, sherpa, unemployed jockey, soap opera starlet, celebrity embalmer, traffic warden, northerner, pop icon, tattle-teller, brown haired, private dick, bikini waxer, corpse manicurist, seasonal motocrotte driver, big cheese, landscape gardener, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, sister, elvis lookalike, mushroom cultivator, absolutist, coffin nailer, crowd pleaser, basket weaver, leg cruncher, leach sucker, prickly pear importer, grave robber, natural gas producer, cricketer, love potion, your worst nightmare, solid-state physicist, settee upholsterer, psychoanalyst, bounty hunter, six-footer, debutante, experimental ornithologist, sculptor, astronaut, film critic, healer, zebra de-striper, professional mourner, elephant-house cleaner, bra underwirer, rumour spreader, teacher, caucasian, goatherd, gurkha, composer, refrigerator defurrer, englšnder, pooper-scooper, football commentator, olympic gold medallist, rectangulist, highwayman, programmer, antarctic explorer, astrologist, warmonger, paper pusher, home-made man, sherker, mercury sniffer, ex-smoker, eccles-cake eater, mad hatter, amateur gynecologist, de-licer, monomaniac, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, head shrinker, remote controller, sexologist, honourary pygmy, root canal digger, stamp licker, anthropophage, happy camper, would-be francophone, herbivore, performance artist, jet-setter, post-raphaelite, contortionist, rollmop herring roller, failure, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, bomb shelter, pumpkin masher, palm reader, ghostwriter, cowboy, anteater, consumer, march hare, post-natal, former united states president, fruit picker, wheel changer, draft enforcer, intestinal pipe cleaner, political consultant, roadrunner, margaret thatcher's joke writer, taxidermist, egg pickler, brother, pedicurist, hatchet man, autogamist, jammy sod, goodie-goodie, lady di impersonator, hair stylist, fire hazard, jockstrap test pilot, (null), a-and-f-singer, snake charmer, sushi chef, moisturiser, bad speller, painter, bear baiter, DIY fetishist, toe-nail clipper, armpit sound artist, julio iglesias' lyricist, camel trader, ex-oboist, tramp, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards