pop icon, 82 kgs, caucasian, private dick, intestinal pipe cleaner, 13 stone, pooper-scooper, pumpkin masher, taxidermist, DIY fetishist, mammal, (null), anteater, sushi chef, programmer, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, astronaut, seasonal motocrotte driver, happy camper, 1m88, zebra de-striper, julio iglesias' lyricist, honourary pygmy, stamp licker, hatchet man, englšnder, prickly pear importer, de-licer, highwayman, soap-box maker, hippopotamus wrestler, soap opera starlet, chest hair decurler, bounty hunter, old masters restorer, autogamist, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, goodie-goodie, necrologist, cowboy, failure, margaret thatcher's joke writer, roadrunner, cannon fodder, corpse manicurist, imposter, composer, sexologist, bomb shelter, lady di impersonator, warmonger, will-never-be ex-drinker, rollmop herring roller, grave robber, 180 lbs, beard trimmer, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, potty trainer, poet, head shrinker, elephant-house cleaner, debutante, gurkha, contortionist, sherpa, performance artist, sculptor, oceanographer, toe-nail clipper, worrier, teacher, bear baiter, fruit picker, brother, film critic, male, rectangulist, hair stylist, would-be francophone, ex-smoker, six-footer, goatherd, leg cruncher, basket weaver, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, eccles-cake eater, pedicurist, experimental ornithologist, crowd pleaser, palm reader, healer, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, consumer, football commentator, blue-eyed, jet-setter, elvis lookalike, egg pickler, philosopher, herbivore, brown haired, make-up remover, jammy sod, march hare, wheel changer, solid-state physicist, post-raphaelite, former united states president, unemployed jockey, political consultant, antarctic explorer, best girlfriend, pepper grinder, ghostwriter, traffic warden, post-natal, root canal digger, ex-oboist, paper pusher, monomaniac, cricketer, absolutist, anthropophage, tattle-teller, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, good egg, burger flipper, land mine detonator, sister, religious leader, jockstrap test pilot, bra underwirer, love potion, settee upholsterer, a-and-f-singer, amateur gynecologist, fire hazard, psychoanalyst, home-made man, sherker, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, mushroom cultivator, bad speller, remote controller, refrigerator defurrer, big cheese, draft enforcer, snake charmer, painter, olympic gold medallist, landscape gardener, rumour spreader, mad hatter, armpit sound artist, moisturiser, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, bikini waxer, leach sucker, coffin nailer, your worst nightmare, camel trader, professional mourner, natural gas producer, tramp, prodigal son, astrologist, celebrity embalmer, mercury sniffer, northerner, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards