experimental ornithologist, philosopher, DIY fetishist, old masters restorer, draft enforcer, remote controller, a-and-f-singer, eccles-cake eater, northerner, sushi chef, debutante, make-up remover, natural gas producer, settee upholsterer, your worst nightmare, home-made man, bra underwirer, religious leader, egg pickler, will-never-be ex-drinker, amateur gynecologist, mad hatter, land mine detonator, corpse manicurist, bomb shelter, crowd pleaser, anthropophage, 180 lbs, healer, failure, englšnder, football commentator, pumpkin masher, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, coffin nailer, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, head shrinker, pepper grinder, caucasian, 13 stone, stamp licker, best girlfriend, rectangulist, leach sucker, fruit picker, oceanographer, goodie-goodie, refrigerator defurrer, lady di impersonator, highwayman, astronaut, pedicurist, anteater, sculptor, olympic gold medallist, painter, pop icon, ex-smoker, six-footer, herbivore, grave robber, cannon fodder, mushroom cultivator, pooper-scooper, march hare, beard trimmer, programmer, tramp, solid-state physicist, mammal, roadrunner, camel trader, composer, 1m88, absolutist, jet-setter, antarctic explorer, hippopotamus wrestler, potty trainer, imposter, 82 kgs, snake charmer, ex-oboist, sherker, post-raphaelite, de-licer, monomaniac, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, wheel changer, gurkha, sister, zebra de-striper, brother, autogamist, hatchet man, seasonal motocrotte driver, toe-nail clipper, traffic warden, elvis lookalike, psychoanalyst, basket weaver, bikini waxer, burger flipper, soap-box maker, political consultant, fire hazard, warmonger, former united states president, jammy sod, sherpa, worrier, rumour spreader, palm reader, paper pusher, margaret thatcher's joke writer, intestinal pipe cleaner, goatherd, landscape gardener, consumer, bounty hunter, rollmop herring roller, cricketer, ghostwriter, bear baiter, happy camper, honourary pygmy, jockstrap test pilot, private dick, film critic, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, sexologist, necrologist, moisturiser, chest hair decurler, soap opera starlet, post-natal, hair stylist, julio iglesias' lyricist, cowboy, male, big cheese, astrologist, bad speller, prickly pear importer, armpit sound artist, professional mourner, tattle-teller, good egg, love potion, would-be francophone, root canal digger, elephant-house cleaner, blue-eyed, performance artist, prodigal son, celebrity embalmer, leg cruncher, unemployed jockey, mercury sniffer, (null), brown haired, contortionist, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, teacher, poet, taxidermist, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards