settee upholsterer, religious leader, (null), pepper grinder, psychoanalyst, your worst nightmare, elvis lookalike, 1m88, prickly pear importer, brown haired, goatherd, basket weaver, rumour spreader, land mine detonator, rollmop herring roller, de-licer, performance artist, camel trader, painter, herbivore, professional mourner, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, zebra de-striper, amateur gynecologist, julio iglesias' lyricist, burger flipper, coffin nailer, root canal digger, six-footer, head shrinker, armpit sound artist, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, brother, snake charmer, hippopotamus wrestler, big cheese, political consultant, male, jet-setter, antarctic explorer, grave robber, astronaut, bikini waxer, would-be francophone, debutante, landscape gardener, march hare, pooper-scooper, good egg, ex-oboist, natural gas producer, intestinal pipe cleaner, post-natal, seasonal motocrotte driver, bomb shelter, rectangulist, elephant-house cleaner, draft enforcer, tramp, fruit picker, leach sucker, sherker, post-raphaelite, bear baiter, beard trimmer, sculptor, 13 stone, imposter, taxidermist, pop icon, astrologist, honourary pygmy, gurkha, pumpkin masher, worrier, refrigerator defurrer, moisturiser, old masters restorer, prodigal son, highwayman, hatchet man, consumer, celebrity embalmer, bounty hunter, unemployed jockey, anteater, philosopher, chest hair decurler, margaret thatcher's joke writer, olympic gold medallist, ghostwriter, 82 kgs, remote controller, mercury sniffer, sexologist, bra underwirer, bad speller, oceanographer, englšnder, DIY fetishist, egg pickler, fire hazard, film critic, programmer, teacher, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, cannon fodder, best girlfriend, a-and-f-singer, goodie-goodie, sushi chef, potty trainer, eccles-cake eater, paper pusher, northerner, pedicurist, failure, leg cruncher, cricketer, home-made man, cowboy, traffic warden, toe-nail clipper, palm reader, soap opera starlet, football commentator, wheel changer, caucasian, former united states president, blue-eyed, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, 180 lbs, contortionist, corpse manicurist, mammal, warmonger, private dick, jammy sod, autogamist, mad hatter, make-up remover, solid-state physicist, absolutist, necrologist, ex-smoker, stamp licker, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, experimental ornithologist, healer, happy camper, lady di impersonator, sherpa, hair stylist, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, roadrunner, tattle-teller, will-never-be ex-drinker, jockstrap test pilot, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, crowd pleaser, soap-box maker, love potion, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, sister, mushroom cultivator, composer, poet, monomaniac, anthropophage, ... (suggestions?)


(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)
 

upwards and onwards