poet, sexologist, mad hatter, elvis lookalike, cricketer, grave robber, wheel changer, best girlfriend, imposter, root canal digger, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, political consultant, pumpkin masher, elephant-house cleaner, prickly pear importer, oceanographer, landscape gardener, chest hair decurler, settee upholsterer, home-made man, margaret thatcher's joke writer, hippopotamus wrestler, old masters restorer, necrologist, refrigerator defurrer, ex-smoker, 13 stone, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, camel trader, composer, corpse manicurist, ex-oboist, failure, programmer, bra underwirer, a-and-f-singer, antarctic explorer, coffin nailer, bounty hunter, celebrity embalmer, natural gas producer, bikini waxer, intestinal pipe cleaner, pedicurist, julio iglesias' lyricist, happy camper, religious leader, would-be francophone, goatherd, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, pepper grinder, good egg, roadrunner, pooper-scooper, philosopher, unemployed jockey, leach sucker, toe-nail clipper, bomb shelter, six-footer, palm reader, soap opera starlet, cowboy, bear baiter, 180 lbs, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, sushi chef, mushroom cultivator, olympic gold medallist, caucasian, astrologist, male, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, will-never-be ex-drinker, consumer, astronaut, stamp licker, monomaniac, anthropophage, big cheese, honourary pygmy, herbivore, former united states president, experimental ornithologist, armpit sound artist, fruit picker, land mine detonator, mammal, private dick, head shrinker, amateur gynecologist, beard trimmer, gurkha, de-licer, goodie-goodie, march hare, ghostwriter, taxidermist, cannon fodder, prodigal son, sister, autogamist, potty trainer, lady di impersonator, paper pusher, remote controller, draft enforcer, debutante, zebra de-striper, brother, jammy sod, make-up remover, tramp, jockstrap test pilot, burger flipper, (null), solid-state physicist, jet-setter, 82 kgs, healer, crowd pleaser, highwayman, rollmop herring roller, blue-eyed, absolutist, teacher, bad speller, hatchet man, anteater, professional mourner, brown haired, traffic warden, snake charmer, sherpa, painter, egg pickler, soap-box maker, fire hazard, film critic, psychoanalyst, worrier, englšnder, eccles-cake eater, hair stylist, football commentator, moisturiser, tattle-teller, rectangulist, post-raphaelite, pop icon, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, love potion, 1m88, your worst nightmare, seasonal motocrotte driver, DIY fetishist, rumour spreader, contortionist, performance artist, sculptor, mercury sniffer, post-natal, basket weaver, northerner, sherker, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, leg cruncher, warmonger, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards