cannon fodder, old masters restorer, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, hatchet man, absolutist, big cheese, amateur gynecologist, jet-setter, healer, soap opera starlet, egg pickler, lady di impersonator, post-natal, love potion, basket weaver, astrologist, intestinal pipe cleaner, male, performance artist, paper pusher, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, tattle-teller, wheel changer, coffin nailer, 180 lbs, moisturiser, de-licer, bomb shelter, pooper-scooper, northerner, refrigerator defurrer, prickly pear importer, DIY fetishist, seasonal motocrotte driver, warmonger, anthropophage, political consultant, sexologist, cricketer, 13 stone, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, root canal digger, celebrity embalmer, jammy sod, religious leader, rumour spreader, worrier, landscape gardener, head shrinker, corpse manicurist, anteater, private dick, six-footer, remote controller, goatherd, ghostwriter, julio iglesias' lyricist, zebra de-striper, ex-smoker, snake charmer, brown haired, prodigal son, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, sherker, highwayman, philosopher, mushroom cultivator, autogamist, stamp licker, happy camper, debutante, unemployed jockey, (null), former united states president, herbivore, post-raphaelite, sculptor, make-up remover, ex-oboist, solid-state physicist, mercury sniffer, would-be francophone, goodie-goodie, astronaut, sherpa, taxidermist, 82 kgs, rollmop herring roller, rectangulist, film critic, football commentator, psychoanalyst, beard trimmer, bra underwirer, composer, burger flipper, roadrunner, teacher, margaret thatcher's joke writer, jockstrap test pilot, hair stylist, bad speller, professional mourner, pumpkin masher, imposter, good egg, will-never-be ex-drinker, crowd pleaser, home-made man, toe-nail clipper, pop icon, failure, olympic gold medallist, antarctic explorer, your worst nightmare, a-and-f-singer, blue-eyed, poet, draft enforcer, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, soap-box maker, eccles-cake eater, programmer, traffic warden, pedicurist, monomaniac, mammal, natural gas producer, painter, mad hatter, bear baiter, consumer, brother, sister, caucasian, march hare, necrologist, armpit sound artist, cowboy, best girlfriend, experimental ornithologist, gurkha, sushi chef, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, leg cruncher, oceanographer, fruit picker, englšnder, elvis lookalike, elephant-house cleaner, contortionist, hippopotamus wrestler, potty trainer, fire hazard, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, bikini waxer, leach sucker, settee upholsterer, camel trader, bounty hunter, grave robber, palm reader, tramp, pepper grinder, land mine detonator, 1m88, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, honourary pygmy, chest hair decurler, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards