82 kgs, football commentator, experimental ornithologist, best girlfriend, bomb shelter, julio iglesias' lyricist, anteater, debutante, old masters restorer, love potion, remote controller, imposter, happy camper, zebra de-striper, big cheese, rollmop herring roller, goodie-goodie, fire hazard, cowboy, celebrity embalmer, mammal, hatchet man, highwayman, honourary pygmy, warmonger, potty trainer, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, former united states president, sexologist, northerner, mad hatter, pumpkin masher, traffic warden, sister, elephant-house cleaner, (null), astronaut, intestinal pipe cleaner, 1m88, teacher, grave robber, englšnder, moisturiser, ex-smoker, jet-setter, landscape gardener, refrigerator defurrer, soap opera starlet, brown haired, home-made man, roadrunner, coffin nailer, stamp licker, pedicurist, sherker, camel trader, professional mourner, good egg, de-licer, hippopotamus wrestler, goatherd, oceanographer, herbivore, blue-eyed, absolutist, bear baiter, sculptor, composer, fruit picker, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, poet, root canal digger, tattle-teller, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, taxidermist, contortionist, 180 lbs, male, antarctic explorer, pepper grinder, bikini waxer, settee upholsterer, make-up remover, a-and-f-singer, wheel changer, 13 stone, armpit sound artist, egg pickler, mercury sniffer, elvis lookalike, lady di impersonator, programmer, sherpa, leach sucker, caucasian, seasonal motocrotte driver, solid-state physicist, DIY fetishist, chest hair decurler, performance artist, ex-oboist, philosopher, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, rectangulist, paper pusher, film critic, religious leader, natural gas producer, prickly pear importer, march hare, cricketer, six-footer, basket weaver, pop icon, necrologist, gurkha, brother, failure, monomaniac, eccles-cake eater, bounty hunter, will-never-be ex-drinker, would-be francophone, pooper-scooper, olympic gold medallist, amateur gynecologist, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, political consultant, jammy sod, toe-nail clipper, palm reader, land mine detonator, hair stylist, corpse manicurist, healer, crowd pleaser, soap-box maker, consumer, worrier, beard trimmer, bad speller, psychoanalyst, autogamist, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, jockstrap test pilot, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, mushroom cultivator, anthropophage, post-raphaelite, burger flipper, post-natal, painter, ghostwriter, leg cruncher, private dick, head shrinker, draft enforcer, unemployed jockey, your worst nightmare, cannon fodder, sushi chef, snake charmer, margaret thatcher's joke writer, rumour spreader, tramp, prodigal son, astrologist, bra underwirer, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards