seasonal motocrotte driver, male, basket weaver, a-and-f-singer, stamp licker, would-be francophone, traffic warden, wheel changer, imposter, performance artist, prickly pear importer, margaret thatcher's joke writer, consumer, 13 stone, psychoanalyst, ex-oboist, will-never-be ex-drinker, pepper grinder, contortionist, sexologist, burger flipper, mushroom cultivator, root canal digger, leg cruncher, soap-box maker, intestinal pipe cleaner, julio iglesias' lyricist, march hare, highwayman, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, six-footer, make-up remover, home-made man, soap opera starlet, englšnder, antarctic explorer, cannon fodder, crowd pleaser, olympic gold medallist, chest hair decurler, beard trimmer, blue-eyed, post-raphaelite, grave robber, land mine detonator, elephant-house cleaner, fruit picker, big cheese, amateur gynecologist, natural gas producer, worrier, sister, settee upholsterer, tramp, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, sushi chef, cricketer, DIY fetishist, political consultant, sherker, moisturiser, astrologist, 82 kgs, jet-setter, ex-smoker, refrigerator defurrer, failure, hippopotamus wrestler, bounty hunter, anteater, brother, brown haired, autogamist, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, (null), astronaut, toe-nail clipper, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, pop icon, absolutist, taxidermist, healer, de-licer, experimental ornithologist, coffin nailer, honourary pygmy, potty trainer, roadrunner, jockstrap test pilot, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, former united states president, draft enforcer, prodigal son, jammy sod, love potion, mammal, rollmop herring roller, elvis lookalike, egg pickler, landscape gardener, herbivore, goatherd, religious leader, pedicurist, warmonger, post-natal, northerner, composer, goodie-goodie, painter, necrologist, pooper-scooper, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, rectangulist, paper pusher, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, teacher, poet, snake charmer, happy camper, programmer, mercury sniffer, monomaniac, celebrity embalmer, ghostwriter, anthropophage, hatchet man, unemployed jockey, bad speller, bra underwirer, private dick, your worst nightmare, head shrinker, remote controller, 180 lbs, caucasian, zebra de-striper, bikini waxer, philosopher, tattle-teller, palm reader, bear baiter, mad hatter, cowboy, solid-state physicist, bomb shelter, armpit sound artist, old masters restorer, pumpkin masher, lady di impersonator, 1m88, eccles-cake eater, rumour spreader, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, leach sucker, oceanographer, camel trader, professional mourner, debutante, sculptor, fire hazard, best girlfriend, corpse manicurist, hair stylist, football commentator, gurkha, sherpa, film critic, good egg, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards