programmer, contortionist, film critic, post-raphaelite, remote controller, soap-box maker, camel trader, elephant-house cleaner, performance artist, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, experimental ornithologist, will-never-be ex-drinker, leg cruncher, basket weaver, sculptor, intestinal pipe cleaner, moisturiser, (null), composer, failure, old masters restorer, ex-oboist, debutante, a-and-f-singer, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, anteater, bikini waxer, soap opera starlet, pedicurist, autogamist, elvis lookalike, palm reader, male, jockstrap test pilot, refrigerator defurrer, gurkha, lady di impersonator, paper pusher, goodie-goodie, worrier, religious leader, chest hair decurler, leach sucker, former united states president, pop icon, sherpa, prickly pear importer, stamp licker, cricketer, settee upholsterer, good egg, hippopotamus wrestler, mushroom cultivator, tramp, unemployed jockey, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, pumpkin masher, oceanographer, football commentator, pooper-scooper, necrologist, mammal, cannon fodder, herbivore, blue-eyed, bomb shelter, sexologist, prodigal son, de-licer, love potion, hair stylist, warmonger, northerner, highwayman, healer, private dick, teacher, coffin nailer, corpse manicurist, jammy sod, tattle-teller, eccles-cake eater, march hare, crowd pleaser, bounty hunter, sherker, happy camper, post-natal, would-be francophone, professional mourner, root canal digger, burger flipper, ex-smoker, mercury sniffer, consumer, political consultant, julio iglesias' lyricist, poet, antarctic explorer, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, sister, hatchet man, brown haired, natural gas producer, toe-nail clipper, astrologist, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, DIY fetishist, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, margaret thatcher's joke writer, olympic gold medallist, solid-state physicist, roadrunner, celebrity embalmer, seasonal motocrotte driver, snake charmer, bra underwirer, landscape gardener, home-made man, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, monomaniac, philosopher, six-footer, head shrinker, draft enforcer, 1m88, anthropophage, honourary pygmy, 180 lbs, astronaut, amateur gynecologist, 13 stone, bear baiter, zebra de-striper, psychoanalyst, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, 82 kgs, caucasian, bad speller, sushi chef, painter, rollmop herring roller, mad hatter, imposter, absolutist, make-up remover, englšnder, fire hazard, potty trainer, brother, rumour spreader, cowboy, fruit picker, traffic warden, big cheese, taxidermist, jet-setter, egg pickler, pepper grinder, grave robber, best girlfriend, wheel changer, land mine detonator, rectangulist, beard trimmer, ghostwriter, your worst nightmare, armpit sound artist, goatherd, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards