dope dealer to the rich and infamous, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, amateur gynecologist, teacher, land mine detonator, draft enforcer, bounty hunter, root canal digger, anteater, composer, mad hatter, absolutist, hair stylist, debutante, armpit sound artist, blue-eyed, pooper-scooper, six-footer, post-natal, burger flipper, failure, sherpa, love potion, private dick, solid-state physicist, ghostwriter, philosopher, religious leader, unemployed jockey, good egg, film critic, professional mourner, tattle-teller, DIY fetishist, ex-oboist, moisturiser, rumour spreader, eccles-cake eater, coffin nailer, old masters restorer, stamp licker, astrologist, camel trader, soap opera starlet, olympic gold medallist, basket weaver, pedicurist, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, male, worrier, necrologist, bomb shelter, fire hazard, englšnder, will-never-be ex-drinker, autogamist, elephant-house cleaner, settee upholsterer, monomaniac, de-licer, cannon fodder, crowd pleaser, remote controller, grave robber, cowboy, honourary pygmy, celebrity embalmer, 13 stone, intestinal pipe cleaner, soap-box maker, sushi chef, zebra de-striper, bear baiter, consumer, would-be francophone, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, fruit picker, bad speller, jammy sod, goatherd, your worst nightmare, bra underwirer, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, sculptor, bikini waxer, head shrinker, northerner, antarctic explorer, football commentator, seasonal motocrotte driver, sherker, anthropophage, natural gas producer, elvis lookalike, pepper grinder, warmonger, 82 kgs, sister, rectangulist, psychoanalyst, experimental ornithologist, pumpkin masher, former united states president, big cheese, caucasian, jockstrap test pilot, wheel changer, performance artist, (null), brown haired, a-and-f-singer, refrigerator defurrer, imposter, potty trainer, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, prickly pear importer, astronaut, mercury sniffer, oceanographer, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, sexologist, gurkha, mushroom cultivator, 180 lbs, political consultant, leach sucker, herbivore, tramp, highwayman, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, pop icon, poet, prodigal son, contortionist, ex-smoker, roadrunner, home-made man, programmer, mammal, 1m88, hippopotamus wrestler, chest hair decurler, lady di impersonator, jet-setter, goodie-goodie, cricketer, taxidermist, post-raphaelite, beard trimmer, painter, leg cruncher, make-up remover, paper pusher, healer, brother, corpse manicurist, rollmop herring roller, happy camper, hatchet man, traffic warden, egg pickler, best girlfriend, toe-nail clipper, palm reader, julio iglesias' lyricist, march hare, snake charmer, margaret thatcher's joke writer, landscape gardener, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards