stamp licker, sexologist, hatchet man, a-and-f-singer, zebra de-striper, chorus girl at the Moulin Rouge, caucasian, march hare, would-be francophone, herbivore, eccles-cake eater, 82 kgs, pumpkin masher, dope dealer to the rich and infamous, imposter, coffin nailer, leach sucker, jockstrap test pilot, monomaniac, englšnder, the most excellent zidiot lovehater, love potion, astrologist, solid-state physicist, worrier, teacher, snake charmer, unemployed jockey, 180 lbs, soap-box maker, mammal, margaret thatcher's joke writer, psychoanalyst, good egg, cannon fodder, draft enforcer, 13 stone, pooper-scooper, bra underwirer, landscape gardener, goatherd, toe-nail clipper, remote controller, bikini waxer, purveyor of fine herbs and medicines to h.m. queen elizabeth ii, grave robber, football commentator, natural gas producer, bounty hunter, male, rollmop herring roller, moisturiser, seasonal motocrotte driver, absolutist, sherker, (null), old masters restorer, rectangulist, prickly pear importer, sushi chef, pedicurist, cowboy, paper pusher, antarctic explorer, private dick, aeroflot safety inspector emeritus, ex-oboist, experimental ornithologist, julio iglesias' lyricist, post-natal, traffic warden, oceanographer, refrigerator defurrer, DIY fetishist, post-raphaelite, debutante, chest hair decurler, contortionist, highwayman, lady di impersonator, palm reader, pepper grinder, head shrinker, basket weaver, anthropophage, bad speller, happy camper, bomb shelter, bear baiter, intestinal pipe cleaner, roadrunner, six-footer, northerner, programmer, painter, blue-eyed, astronaut, mercury sniffer, amateur gynecologist, hillary clinton's fashion consultant, honourary pygmy, sculptor, beard trimmer, first official viola-class-on-the-moon inspector, will-never-be ex-drinker, armpit sound artist, 1m88, settee upholsterer, root canal digger, warmonger, ghostwriter, rumour spreader, mushroom cultivator, camel trader, land mine detonator, leg cruncher, tramp, fire hazard, fruit picker, autogamist, home-made man, former austrian inneralpine hurricane predictor, make-up remover, failure, composer, necrologist, jet-setter, taxidermist, egg pickler, mad hatter, healer, tattle-teller, wheel changer, anteater, corpse manicurist, brown haired, gurkha, professional mourner, potty trainer, political consultant, olympic gold medallist, prodigal son, ex-smoker, former united states president, poet, pop icon, brother, celebrity embalmer, jammy sod, elvis lookalike, performance artist, best girlfriend, sister, big cheese, your worst nightmare, elephant-house cleaner, sherpa, burger flipper, hippopotamus wrestler, de-licer, philosopher, religious leader, soap opera starlet, goodie-goodie, cricketer, crowd pleaser, film critic, hair stylist, consumer, ... (suggestions?)

(with a little education, you too can be all these things....check out my alma mater and see how I became like this.)

upwards and onwards